Discipline (part 2)

What another great morning we had! Ruthie concluded her talk on discipline and focused her discussion on "Correcting with Consequences" this morning. I think we would all agree that we could listen to her talk to us week after week with all of the wisdom she provides! I just love it!

A great verse to remember during these preschool years comes from Hebrews 12:11 "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained in it." Look it up and mark it in your bible. How appropriate for everything Ruthie talked about today! Discipline is not fun but let's look to the future and it will all be worth it in the end.

What DOES NOT work...
Nagging, Getting angry, Yelling, Giving the silent treatment, Lecturing and Scolding.
All of us tend to resort to these things but none of them are going to achieve lasting results.

What DOES work...
CONSEQUENCES!
They develop responsibility in my child, Are effective in causing my child's behavior to change, Eliminates power struggles, Reduces complaining and arguing and Builds my child's self-esteem and self-control.

There are 2 forms of consequences:

1. NATURAL: This is when parents get out of the way and let nature take it's course.
Here's the sequence of events in a natural consequence:

• Child chooses to ignore responsibility or directly defies parents' direction
  
• Child experiences pain
• Parent allows child to experience pain
• Child complains to parent
• Parent gives sympathetic response
• Parent asks what child will do next time
  

A few examples that were shared this morning were the child wanting to go to the park wearing inappropriate clothing (tank top and shorts) and then having to leave after only 10 minutes - and the other about running through the house repeatedly and bumping into something and hurting themselves. I'm sure there are a million others we could have shared that we all experience on a daily basis but the point of natural consequences is that your child is learning to trust your word. It's a life teaching situation. Take them in your arms and empathize with them.

2. LOGICAL: Parent intervenes with a consequence that is logically related to the misbehavior. Logical consequences can be decided ahead of time by the parent, child, or parent and child together. The Key Factor is that they must be painful - not in the sense of harm to your child but in leaving a lasting, unpleasant memory.
Here's the sequence of events in a logical consequence:

• Clearly communicate the expectation to child
• State consequence
• Let child choose - do not intervene!
• Apply consequence
• Child complains
• Parent reminds them it was their choice and empathizes with their feelings
• Parent asks what child will do next time

One of the key things I took away from the logical consequences was empathizing with your child during a time that can be so stressful after they've chosen not to obey and listen several times. I finally got it when Ruthie used the example of us and how we like to be talked to and listened to after having a rough day or week or whatever the situation may be. It's so true and the same goes with our children.

The conversation surrounding the situation is very important. EMPATHIZE with them. Your child needs empathy and sympathy from mommy. Use serious speech and tone and let them know you have no intention in giving but all the while you can be empathetic to their situation. You must apply the consequence. It's the certainty, not the severity that has results.

You have a creative mind and a great God that will help you when you're having hard days and aren't sure what to try or where to go next in your discipline journey. Pray about it and God will give you ideas to use and try out.

One last thing to remember: You're the leader and it's your job to guide your child into a disciplined life that will result in righteousness and peace.

Discipline (part 1)

We had a wonderful morning yesterday and got to hear all about the wonderful world of DISCIPLINE from our very own Ruthie Thune!! I love her charismatic style and the way she completely engages us while she's speaking with all of the great information and stories to go along and help us get it!!

The 3 parts of discipline:
1. Instruction: Happens in many different ways - modeling being the most common. Here are a few questions to ask yourself and the way you look as a model in front of your children: "Do I have a relationship with God and do my children see it?" "Do I model the behavior I want my children to have? (loving, patient, kind, etc)" "Am I acting in a loving way toward my spouse, family and friends?" And then there is the formal instruction. The time we spend with our children physically teaching them something. This could be in Sunday School, Summer Spectacular, family devotion time at home, during rides in the car, etc.
2. Training: Guided practice (along the same lines of what Cynthia Moses shared with us last week).... The time you work with your children teaching and training them in different areas. You can't expect your child to know things you haven't taught them.
3. Correction: Taking action to ensure the child follows the training and direction that's been given. Key Question: Have I made myself clear?

Ruthie went on to discuss the aspects of Direct, Assertive Communication, otherwise known as "Leadership Speech." Being a leader is a calling and God has called you to be the parent of your child. Leadership speech is clear, concise and commanding.

• 55% of our communication is nonverbal! A few things to take notice of while communicating: Eye Contact - your child needs to be looking into your eyes when making leadership speeches, Body Posture - lean towards your child, Bodily Distance - hold/touch your child softly and with a loving touch, Facial Expression - Relaxed, has eye contact but is serious.
  
• 38% of our communication is our tone of voice! We need to be firm but not harsh. The tone comes out with much more pronunciation. It should be evident that we expect them to obey us the FIRST time.
  
• Only 7% of our communication are the actual words! Pretty astonishing!! Make a command, don't state wishes or desires. Describe in detail what you want. Don't beg, plead or count. Make statements, don't use rhetorical questions. Make your request once and expect change. State the action you will take if behavior doesn't change and then follow through. Don't make empty threats, take the actions. Don't give choices or consequences you don't really mean - Be realistic. Don't argue or reason when trying to get your child to do something - Good reasons come in the instruction and training phases.
  

Ruthie ended her talk with a very funny story that had me laughing so hard my eyes were watering like crazy! It came from "Parenting by the Book" by John Rosemond and I think we all related to some extent with what the story was saying, good or bad.

The time flew by as usual but I can't wait for her to talk to us again next week and continue on to "Part 2!"

Intentionality

Cynthia Moses was back by popular demand this morning and shared with us on the subject of Intentionality. The morning absolutely flew by and before we knew it, it was time to head down to pick up our kids. I think we all could've listened to her ALL day!

Here are 3 things that Cynthia says our children NEED to know:

1. WORK - Every child is part of a family unit and needs to feel important and have something that they're responsible for. Whatever you are doing, give them a job. Whether it be wiping down the refrigerator while you do the dishes, carrying their diaper bag if they're big enough or helping unload the car and bring items in when you get home. Teach work as being a privilege, not something you get allowance for.

2. DELAYED GRATIFICATION - Our children need to learn how to wait. Stimulate their thinking and help them begin to sequence. Let your explanation have a sequence for them to watch for. If your child asks for the crayons on top of the counter while you're doing the dishes, tell them you'll be happy to get them their crayons as soon as you're finished with the dishes. We also need to let them know when we're delaying our own gratification. Let them know what we're thinking. Cynthia used the example of also stimulating our child's thinking by asking them "Should we go to the park now or wait until after the baby takes a nap?"

3. SEXUALITY - Talk to your children about what a privilege it is to be a girl and what an equal privilege it is to be a boy. They need to have it in their head what a privilege it is to be a boy or a girl. Be open about how wonderful it is to be what they are and communicate this to them. Intentionally teach them gender specific roles at home and be thinking about ways to champion them to be a boy or a girl. We're too easy on American children these days. We're going on the third generation of "entitlement" thinking. Do intentionality intensively with a purpose. Have explicit instruction. Cynthia mentioned a book "Do Hard Things" written by 2 teenage boys, Alex and Brett Harris, that she suggests all of us read.

EXPLICIT INSTRUCTION - GUIDED PRACTICE -
IMMEDIATE FEEDBACK - SELF REGULATION

God has given you the authority to teach your child to learn how to live for Him!

Thank you for coming back to share with us again Cynthia! I know I had quite a few "ah-ha" moments this morning and wrote notes like crazy on things to start doing with my 2 year son. We love all of your wisdom and advice that you bring to our group!! Hopefully we'll have you back again in the future!

The Big Picture

We had the wonderful pleasure and opportunity of having Allie Black come and speak to us this morning. She shared about "The Big Picture" and Advancing God's Kingdom Through Your Ministry of Motherhood.

God has called us into the calling and ministry of motherhood. He chose us to be the mother's of our children and there isn't another mom on the planet cut out and more capable to do so than us! What a blessing and reminder that is!

Allie talked about how she got "The Big Picture" concept and described it as when you take your eyes off of what's right in front of you and put them on the horizon, you get the big picture. When you keep the horizon (eternity) as your main focus then everything will fall into place.

A few things to help us refocus on "The Big Picture" are:

Rear-View Mirror - Keep our past in perspective. Don't always look in the rear-view mirror. We all have issues but we don't want to focus on that or we'll crash.

Side-View Mirrors - When we're comparing ourselves and looking too much at what other people are doing, we're going to crash. Galatians 5:1 says "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." We all need to be freed up from what others think of us and grab on to that freedom!

Dashboard - It's very important that we check out the dashboard for lights that come on (our emotions!). If something comes on we need to investigate it and see where it's coming from and how we're doing.

Running on Empty - Make sure we're not taking on too many things. Stop at a rest stop! Resting is not a suggestion from God - He demands it. If you're going in the wrong direction and taking on too much, stop and back up.

Stuck in a Ditch - Sometime we get stuck in a ditch on our journey. Usually what gets up stuck most of the time is unforgiveness and we miss out on the blessing of prayer.

R.T. Kendall writes a checklist in his book "Total Forgiveness" on how to know if you've completely forgiven someone.

Let's take inventory:

1) If you've truly forgiven someone, you're not going to tell anyone, even the person who hurt who in some circumstances.

2) Don't make them feel afraid, uncomfortable or intimidated by you.

3) You won't let them feel guilty.

4) When someone has wronged you, you will help them save face.

5) You'll protect them from their darkest secrets.

6) You'll bless those who have hurt you.

Pretty powerful stuff... It was an eye opener to me! I know I've done one or more of these things to someone I had thought I had truly forgiven. I am so thankful to have a Heavenly Father who will forgive me, going above and beyond everything listed above, and we must do the same.

Allie did such an amazing job of reminding us that when we stick to the vision of the calling God has for us, we'll see the big picture. We need to be faithful to our calling and we will see the results of our hard work.

When you're in the throws of motherhood and all of the hard, tiring, tedious, exhausting days, God sees EVERYTHING. Every diaper change, every load of laundry, every tear you wipe away and every Candyland game you sit down to play. The Lord will reward you and you will one day see the reward too! This is where God has called you and will bless you.

Courtney (Allie's daughter) and her husband, James, concluded Allie's talk with a few songs of worship and they did amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your gifts with us this morning and leading us into the Lord's presence with beautiful worship!

M2M Fall Session '09 Begins!

What a great morning!! Lots of energy, rooms were packed with our kids having fun downstairs, full tables upstairs - it was awesome!! It was great to see many familiar faces we've missed over the summer and quite a few new faces as well!!! Welcome to those of you who joined us for the first time!! We hope it was everything that you thought it was going to be, and more! I hope that everyone enjoyed the time at their tables as much as I did and that you're just as excited to come back next Wednesday!!

Bridgette hosted a fun "Getting to know ya!" game and other than that there was just a lot of catching up, meeting new women and taking care of all of the "housekeeping" items that needed to be addressed on the first day. It was so good to see everyone and I can't wait for next week!

And last but not least, we wanted to add a huge THANK YOU to all of the childcare volunteers who came to help us today!! Last I heard there were 35 - God is so good and we thank you for serving the Mom2Mom ministry! Without you, it wouldn't be possible.

Love & Blessings,

Holly

M2M - Bulletin Correction

Hi Ladies!!

Some of you may have noticed an error in the wording about Mom2Mom in the church bulletin last Sunday... It had mentioned that M2M was only for Moms with children ages 0-5 and as you know, this is not the case!!! We would love to have ALL moms join us on Wednesday mornings. The childcare provided during our session is only for children ages 0-5. Hope that clears it up!!

There is also still some space available in childcare so please invite your friends!! This year is going to be great!!

Can't wait to see you all soon!! 1 more week!

Love & Blessings,
Holly

Registration Reminder

Hi Ladies!!!

The fall session of Mom2Mom starts up in just less than 2 weeks - September 23rd!! The summer flew by and I'm so excited to get back into the swing of things and see everyone again!

I just wanted to remind those of you who haven't already, be sure to register and save your spot! You can print the Mom2Mom brochure here and either mail it into the church or drop it off at the church reception desk or purpose center on the weekends.

Looking forward to seeing everyone again SOON!!

Love & Blessings,
Holly