Discipline (part 2)

What another great morning we had! Ruthie concluded her talk on discipline and focused her discussion on "Correcting with Consequences" this morning. I think we would all agree that we could listen to her talk to us week after week with all of the wisdom she provides! I just love it!

A great verse to remember during these preschool years comes from Hebrews 12:11 "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained in it." Look it up and mark it in your bible. How appropriate for everything Ruthie talked about today! Discipline is not fun but let's look to the future and it will all be worth it in the end.

What DOES NOT work...
Nagging, Getting angry, Yelling, Giving the silent treatment, Lecturing and Scolding.
All of us tend to resort to these things but none of them are going to achieve lasting results.

What DOES work...
CONSEQUENCES!
They develop responsibility in my child, Are effective in causing my child's behavior to change, Eliminates power struggles, Reduces complaining and arguing and Builds my child's self-esteem and self-control.

There are 2 forms of consequences:

1. NATURAL: This is when parents get out of the way and let nature take it's course.
Here's the sequence of events in a natural consequence:

• Child chooses to ignore responsibility or directly defies parents' direction
  
• Child experiences pain
• Parent allows child to experience pain
• Child complains to parent
• Parent gives sympathetic response
• Parent asks what child will do next time
  

A few examples that were shared this morning were the child wanting to go to the park wearing inappropriate clothing (tank top and shorts) and then having to leave after only 10 minutes - and the other about running through the house repeatedly and bumping into something and hurting themselves. I'm sure there are a million others we could have shared that we all experience on a daily basis but the point of natural consequences is that your child is learning to trust your word. It's a life teaching situation. Take them in your arms and empathize with them.

2. LOGICAL: Parent intervenes with a consequence that is logically related to the misbehavior. Logical consequences can be decided ahead of time by the parent, child, or parent and child together. The Key Factor is that they must be painful - not in the sense of harm to your child but in leaving a lasting, unpleasant memory.
Here's the sequence of events in a logical consequence:

• Clearly communicate the expectation to child
• State consequence
• Let child choose - do not intervene!
• Apply consequence
• Child complains
• Parent reminds them it was their choice and empathizes with their feelings
• Parent asks what child will do next time

One of the key things I took away from the logical consequences was empathizing with your child during a time that can be so stressful after they've chosen not to obey and listen several times. I finally got it when Ruthie used the example of us and how we like to be talked to and listened to after having a rough day or week or whatever the situation may be. It's so true and the same goes with our children.

The conversation surrounding the situation is very important. EMPATHIZE with them. Your child needs empathy and sympathy from mommy. Use serious speech and tone and let them know you have no intention in giving but all the while you can be empathetic to their situation. You must apply the consequence. It's the certainty, not the severity that has results.

You have a creative mind and a great God that will help you when you're having hard days and aren't sure what to try or where to go next in your discipline journey. Pray about it and God will give you ideas to use and try out.

One last thing to remember: You're the leader and it's your job to guide your child into a disciplined life that will result in righteousness and peace.